Posts tagged Adoption
What it's like being trans-racially adopted

My adoption was never a secret.

When I was one year old my parents adopted me from the Jiangxi Province in China. Growing up, my parents constantly reassured me that my biological parents wanted me but were unable to keep me. At the time, China had a one-child policy, so most families kept the son because he passes down the family name and takes care of the parents once they grew older. 

However, I still don't know if that's the real reason why I was adopted, because the orphanage I was in didn't know anything about my biological parents. A few years ago, I figured out the only thing they knew about my life pre-orphanage was that they found me on the front steps of a power plant. 

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What is TBRI? (If you're a parent you need to read this!)

Kids need connection. We want to help parents and caregivers be equipped to better love and take care of their children! 

TBRI can be broken down into these 3 principles:

1. Empowering - To address physical needs.

2. Connecting- For attachment needs.

3. Correcting - To disarm fear-based behaviors.

The heartbeat of TBRI is connection!

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Yes We Said It, We Love Fostering Teens

We’ve fostered 17 kids and adopted our two sons, ages 13 and 7. At this point, my husband and I only foster sex-trafficked teens and LGBTQ+ youth- two demographics of kids in care that are unfairly overrepresented. We just had our 15-year-old foster son reunify after several awesome months with him.

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Adoption is Choosing Love

How do you compartmentalize a temporary love?

You don’t. You choose love, you choose loss, you choose them, every single day. Whether they will be yours forever or just until tomorrow, you adopt them in your heart for good, because that’s the only love that lasts, the forever kind of love. The love that wrecks you at the thought of them leaving, the love that causes you to re-work your entire schedule for them, your entire life for them.

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Her Greatest Loss Is My Greatest Joy

During her second trimester she sent me emails letting me know about the Spaghettios he was making her crave. She told me about the conversations she had with him while her hands rested on her belly at night. She told him all about the family that would be adopting him and the mama that would love him. She gave us a jar of hundreds of pink and blue candies and made us count every single one to find out if it was a boy or a girl. When we counted a few extra blue ones we were handed a card from her that said "congratulations you are having a boy!" She invited me to ultrasounds and put my hand on her belly to make sure I felt him kick. She gave me the closest possible experience to pregnancy that a person can experience without having a baby grow inside you.

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Dear White Parents

How is your home serving your children in their identity as a person of color? If you are a white parent with a child who is not please intentionally and proactively pursue community that looks like your whole family, not just you. This is so important. This is a must. Does your child often wish they were white, like you? Your child will not believe you, that they matter and that their ethnicity is good and right, unless you show them how you value their skin color and history in your whole life.

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Dear Adoptive Parents

If you are a transracial/transcultural family, understanding differences of race, class and culture authentically is just the beginning. Understanding must also be activated into behaviors and infused into your family, extended family and as much as possible into your community. Adding deep love to a deep reflection and understanding of identity, privilege and place in the world as adults and parents, gives children every opportunity to fully embrace their complete identity, to love all parts of themselves and to be prepared for the realities that will echo throughout their lives.

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Sensory Processing Disorder and Adopted Kids!

You’ve adopted your sweet kiddo(s) or you’re in the process of adopting, or your want to adopt in the future! Whatever your story is, you definitely want to be aware of these sensory red flags and participate in a variety of sensory based activities to reduce under or over-responsiveness to sensory input from a variety of environments. Every child is different, every story is unique, and this is my experience and research.

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National Adoption Month 2018

The month of November is National Adoption Month in the United States. Most adoption related organizations are promoting adoption all month and desiring to further the movement. This year, November comes as a sobering month for our family. Because not only are we now adoptive parents, but we are also in the midst of the hardest season of our lives. We are daily fighting to keep peace and begging for endurance and steadfastness. So when it came time to plan for November I just couldn’t share beautiful story after beautiful story (which most people know TAP for), of families meeting their children. 

I wanted to go deeper. 

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Unintended Consequences: Why International Adoption Is Not the Answer to the Orphan Crisis 

This is where taking a “let’s just adopt all the children currently living in orphanages” approach to solving the orphan crisis becomes deeply and systematically complicated. There are many unintended consequences to this approach, which negatively impact the international adoption process as a whole. More than that though, it can negatively affect children and families.

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