Isn’t there a Tom Petty song with a line that says something about “waiting is the hardest part…?” While I know the artist wasn’t speaking about waiting for an adopted child, I still think its applicable. Because…waiting is freaking hard.
This week we are going to share some different perspectives of waiting during the adoption process. As a society we often focus on the end goal and can miss the valuable lessons along the journey. And believe me, adoption is a journey. It is full of incredible highs, unbelievable lows, and seemingly endless waiting. Waiting seems pointless sometimes, but it must be important. The Bible is full of people who were waiting. So this week our hope is that you can glean some valuable lessons from people who are in different stages of waiting through their adoption journey.
To start things off, I want to talk about different type of waiting…
I believe, as a wife and equal part of my marriage, that being on the same page as your spouse is crucial to starting the adoption process. But after a year a half of marriage I began to get the “kid bug”, and I wanted to begin our family through adoption.
As I brought this idea to my husband, his reaction was not what I expected. Nick did not agree that we should adopt right away. He kept saying, “I don’t know, I just don’t think its right for us right now.”
The waiting began.
In the beginning, I saw this waiting period as me waiting for my husband to “come around”. I was putting pressure on him to figure out what was wrong with him, and anxiety, mistrust, and fights soon followed. You see, I wasn’t trusting God to lead my husband, I was using God to lead my husband where I wanted.
The beginning of my waiting period was not pretty. There were tears, resentment, and judgement; something that still breaks my heart when I look back on it all. But God is good, and He does use all things for the good of those who love Him. After about a year and a half of me playing the manipulative wife role (when it came to adoption), Nick and I sat down and had a healthy conversation about adoption. He told me that he would earnestly seek God every single day, for the next 30 days, on direction for adoption. I said I would do the same. My prayer the entire time was “God, unite our hearts. Take this desire away from me if it’s not what you have for us, or give Nick the same passion that I have.” Nick, he spent that time in the word and journaling. Every. Single. Day.
Through those 30 days I saw my husband truly seek the Lord and His timing for our family. And I saw that my heart had been evil in believing that I was waiting on my husband to make a decision. In reality, I needed to wait on the Lord and trust His timing with our family.
At the end of the 30 days Nick came to me and confessed that he still didn’t think it was right for our family to adopt. And you know what? God confirmed this in my heart as well. I had prayed that my heart would desire whatever the Lord told Nick. When he revealed that we would not be starting the adoption process, I had a peace that only the Father can give.
Since that time, we have a seen a portion of why God had us wait. Not too long after these conversations Nick and I began to see some serious growth with The Archibald Project. This required us to travel on a whim and be very flexible. Had we been in the middle of an adoption, this may have not been possible and The Archibald Project may not exist.
Whether you’ve been waiting for 4 months or 4 years, waiting on adoption is hard. I just want to encourage you that your wait is not in vain. It may seem pointless, corrupt, or unnecessary, but God has a plan and a story. And there is purpose behind every part of a story that He writes......even the waiting. Friend, I want to challenge you to not waste your waiting season. Use it for good and find the good in it. Serve through the pain, pray through the pain, encourage others through the pain, and most importantly trust through the pain!
below photos by March Media Mission team member Ashley Essig instagram, @ashessig)