Padre J

birth father

I go by Padre J, and I’m a birth father. 

I had a really positive relationship with my family growing up. They supported me and were always there to cheer me on. My family always gets together and likes to bbq. We all love to exchange presents for Christmas and play Volleyball together in the summer.  We are a family of traditions-- we love to fish, hunt and enjoy cooking Mexican food together.  

During my high school days, I dated a girl for 3 years. We unexpectedly found out she was pregnant and that she was actually in her third trimester. 

My girlfriend and I wanted the best option for our child. We knew that we wanted to finish high school and that were were too young to parent. We could not have provided for our daughter financially or relationally at that point in our lives, so we decided that adoption would be the best life we could give our little girl.

I wasn't really allowed to be apart of the process to find a family for my daughter. My daughter’s birthmother and her mother, received two profile books which they told me about. I gave my preference for the couple that was open to having a relationship with us, and ultimately they were the family chosen. 

I wasn't able to be at the hospital or birth and actually found out from another source that my daughter was born.

I wasn't afraid to place my girl for adoption. I knew that the couple chosen had a strong relationship with God, and that made me more comfortable because I trusted God to take care of my daughter. 

I often hear that birth fathers, or fathers don’t want to be around or be there for their kids, but we do. I do. I want to be there for everything. The first time I got to meet my girl, I faced my biggest fear and boarded an airplane. Flying scares me, but not knowing my birth daughter scares me more. I was able to meet her on Valentine’s Day and be her very first Valentine. 

I want the world to know it's really hard, not getting to be with my daughter all the time. That I really only get to watch her through pictures, videos and visits. It's hard having to re-meet her every visit and it's even harder having to say goodbye.

I wish people would stop thinking birth fathers don't want their kids, we want them more than ourselves, we want what's best for them and sometimes we can't provide that at that moment. We need support not shame.

I want the world to know choosing adoption for your child is not a bad decision. If the family is open to including you, you can be apart of a really cool story and a part of another family. My daughter’s family doesn’t have to host me, and their friends don’t have to accept me, but they do! And I’m so glad they do. 

It's an awesome feeling to be accepted by the family chosen to parent your birth child. Because not only does my daughter have her parents, but she also has her birthparents. I want the world to know that Birth families are still family and important in a child's life.

I think it's important for adoptive families to give their children a chance to meet the birth parent's extended family and to know the culture of their biological family.

Beautiful photos above by adoptive parents: Ebersole Photography