*Disclaimer, this post is not meant to offend or hurt anyone. We are not saying all adoptions are hard and that these instances below will happen to your family. We know many happy adult adoptees who never had issues with being adopted.*
It’s a pretty common question people ask themselves upon hearing an adoption story…
“Could I do that?”
People are resilient. You could probably do anything, seriously, over time, with enough training, or money or whatever…you could probably do anything.
But along with “could I do that”, an important question to ask is “should I do that?”
Adoption is hard. It’s messy and emotional. We’ve talked with so many adoptive parents who have confessed that often, at times, they have to choose to love their adopted child(ren). Sometimes it doesn’t come natural. Bringing a stranger into your home, no matter how loving and accepting you are, at some point, will be very, very hard. Parenting is just hard in general.
“My son spit in my face.”
“We caught our daughter teaching our other daughter how to kiss.”
“My daughter wont come to me and its been 12 years since we adopted her. She only talk to and cares about my husband…”
“Sometimes I just don’t feel like caring…”
“I just don’t like him”
“She ran away and we haven’t seen her in years…”
These are all first hand stories we’ve heard about adopted kids. The struggle is real because the pain that a child has experienced in order to be in your home is real. If you’re asking yourself if you should adopt, you need to be very real with yourself about how you will choose to respond in hard times. Imagine the worst case scenario and truly ask yourself if you could do it.
You need to be prepared walking into adoption. You need to decide before hand if you can offer unconditional love before you choose to bring a child into your home. Because sometimes you wont feel like it. Where will you draw your strength? Do you have understanding community? Are you and your spouse (if you’re married) on the same page? Because when the sh*t hits the fan, and it’s going to, who can you rely on to help get you through it?
“My son is a drug dealer.”
“My son lost his virginity at the age of 8 to the babysitter.”
“My daughter cuts herself and is in therapy for it.”
“My son died while driving drunk as a junior in high school.”
These are all first hand stories we’ve heard about biological kids. The struggle is real when you love someone because we live in a messy world. Life isn’t perfect, parenthood is not a walk in the park. But just because something isn’t easy, does that mean we shy away and say no thank you?
We don’t know if adoption is right for you and we definitely don’t think it’s right for everyone. But we do think adoption is important, beautiful and worth it and we believe everyone should ask themselves if they could and should do it.