Wisdom Through Infertility (Guest Post)
Hey Guys! We want to introduce you to a beautiful soul. She is strong and loving, wise and faithful. We can't begin to tell you how important it is to be on the same page with your spouse when it comes to adoption. We, Nick and myself, know from a first hand experience that as a married couple, you must both be ready, both be willing and both have a desire to open your family and hearts to a child who has experienced great loss. With that being said we would like you to read a few words from a wife who is walking through infertility and daily seeking the Lord's direction for her role as a wife and partner. Meet Alissa!
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"Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never failed and You won't start now."
Like most young girls, as a child, I would dream about my future husband and the life we would have together. I envisioned marrying young and having lots of babies. We would have a few of bio kids and then we would adopt… a rainbow of children from all over the world! Culture has always been something that intrigues me. I'm fascinated by how others live and the different perspectives on what a successful life is. Methods and beliefs differ across the world, but everyone is in search of happiness. That seems so wild to me. We are so alike and so very different at the same time. My ideas and reasons for wanting to adopt have grown and changed as I've gotten older, but the desire is there nonetheless. To claim a child, to give a name and say that I want you as my own. To change a life… even if it is just one.
The funny thing about life is that it is as fickle as we are. We make plans, only to change our minds or to have our paths take a sharp left turn right under our feet. I met my husband 11 years ago. I married him 3 years later. We weren't quite ready for a family as early as I had envisioned, but looking back… I'm ok with that. It turns out marriage wasn't as easy as my 12-year-old self had imagined. The challenges that we faced were probably not so different from most newlyweds but they were tough… really tough. But we both came out different people. Our relationship has become something of a fairytale and I am actually thankful for what has happened. Without being faced with a decision early on to "fix it or walk away" we would not have learned how to fight for each other. But this is not what I want to talk about. The truth is, I believe my husband is my prince charming, he is my rock, and my best friend, but hard times still come and we still have to make that decision to fight for each other.
Once we decided to begin our family we naively thought that it would happen right away. But after 3 years of tests, one surgery, and lots and lots of tears and prayers we still have not been able to start the family we long for. It has been a difficult road. Naturally, talk of adoption has come up. The part that I never anticipated was that my husband would not share the same desire. I don't know if it was that we never talked about adoption specifically while we were dating and in early marriage or if we were not clear with each other on just how strong our different opinions were on the topic, but I was shocked that we felt so differently about it. To be perfectly transparent, I felt a little let down and confused… at first. How could my husband, of all people, not be on the same page as me on something so important as starting our family!? I'm sure if I whine enough, or push him enough, he would let me adopt. Let's face it, he is a good man and he truly wants me to be happy. But, ultimately, we are in this together. The decision should be made together and not out of manipulation. As his wife, I want to respect his viewpoint, even if I don't understand it.
I have found a peace about this, though. My life with my husband has been something extra magical. Almost nothing has gone as expected, it's been a true adventure, but looking back on our journey this far, I can see God's unfailing grace and mercy infused in our marriage. Even where it is least expected and in the tiniest of details. We are stronger now than I ever could have imagined in the beginning. I think seeing this has helped me relinquish power over my life and our marriage to God even in the most trying times. I've seen over and over when I give it all to Him and let go of control, something spectacular is born! Since our first conversation about adoption, my husband has softened to the idea. I haven't pushed him, but he is now open to talking about adoption after we've been able to have our own baby. A compromise I am more than willing to work with. However, I am still aware that a desire to adopt does not necessarily mean that it is God's will for our story now, or maybe ever. To do something as life-changing as adoption we need to be 100% together on the decision. I will continue to pray for our future family and our journey getting there. My husband and I are constantly growing and changing and challenging each other, but I have no doubts that we are meant to be doing this life along side of one another. Our story is and will be beautiful.
We are called to an extravagant faith. To trust completely. I've prayed for years that I will find peace and that my faith will grow through struggles, knowing that God has not and will not ever fail me. Our desire to grow a family, and the way we do it, is no exception. These lyrics to "Oceans" by Hillsong are so absolutely powerful to me. They resonate with the prayer of my heart...
"You call me out upon the waters. The great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find You in the mystery. In oceans deep, my faith will stand. I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never failed and You won't start now. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior!"
hotos by: www.lindseyjohnsonphotography.com
To read more of Alissa's writing, visit: http://www.darlinglouie.com