Hi, my name is Cannille Turner and I grew up in inner city Memphis, TN, and I'm a birth mother.
I was raised by my grandmother, because my mom wasn't in a stable place to raise my two older brothers and myself. I have 6 siblings total, which I didn't grow up with, aside from my two older brothers, because we were split between my aunt, grandmother and mom. Honestly, I didn't have good relationships with my siblings because we were scattered around Memphis. As I got older we started form relationships, but never close enough to talk about the hard stuff in our life.
Because I was raised by my grandmother and wasn't close with my siblings, I grew up feeling like something missing in my life. And in the back of my mind was the thought that my mother was that missing piece and everything would be better if she could fill that hole in my heart.
Around 15 years old I made some new friends and they shared God with me, and I it was then that I realized: He was the missing piece in my life. For the first time I stopped placing the weight on my mom to fill my emptiness, and it was freeing.
I decided to follow Jesus and face the hard things in my life… I just had to.
However, after graduating high school, I went on to trade school, and there I believed I had met the man of my dreams, my Asian persuasion…and we were infatuated with one another.
Yet, he left. He left Memphis altogether, and on the exact day he left, I was assaulted by a friend of the family.
Because of how much older my assailant was, and being naive and afraid, I refused to believe that I could become pregnant.
A few weeks later, my mind rambled with what was happening with my hormones and I decided to get a check-up… right then, at the doctor’s office, in that moment, I found out I was pregnant.
A lot jogged my mind, how the heck could this be true? I was so afraid. I was not in a stable place, I was not prepared.
Because I knew I wasn't in a healthy place to parent a child, I googled "pregnant, now what”… A ton of hopeful parent profiles popped up onto my computer screen along with different adoption agencies. I noticed the adoption agency a couple from my church used for an international adoption and I immediately clicked on their website.
Soon after reviewing their information I went ahead and sent a private message to someone and moved forward with meeting a pregnancy counselor. I felt an overwhelming peace meeting with them and discussing my options.
And after meeting with the counselor a few times…I made my decision… I was sure my baby would be adopted by someone who would love her as much as I did.
I felt kind of overwhelmed and uncomfortable when it was time to look at profiles of hopeful parents, so I decided to take a step back. I didn't even know what kind of adoption I wanted to place my baby in and I needed to think. The bad thoughts in the back of my mind forced me to believe that if I were choosing adoption for my baby, then why did I need to be a part of her life?
Because of those thoughts, I almost made a decision out of fear…But then I actually thought about the pain and regrets I'd have if I